Re-Becoming: My Journey to Rediscovering Myself

Loss of self can happen so quietly that you don’t even notice it until one day, you wake up and realize you’ve forgotten who you are. My journey has been one of re-becoming, of finding my way back to myself after years of self-abandonment. From overcoming self-abuse to returning to my love of music and embracing new skills, I’ve learned that self-awareness and creative expression are powerful tools in reclaiming identity.

Breaking Free from Self-Abuse

My journey of re-becoming started within the walls of my own mind. I wasn’t just battling external challenges. My hardest fight was against myself, my own thoughts, beliefs, and the loss of my identity. I grew up with ideologies that silenced my voice and erased my sense of self-worth, leaving me questioning the narratives I was living by.

The tipping point came in early 2019 during a painful identity crisis. My marriage was crumbling, and I was drowning in overwhelming responsibilities. As a homeschooling mother of six, including a newborn, my life revolved around everyone but myself. I had been living under beliefs that told me I didn’t matter, my voice had no value, and my own thoughts couldn’t be trusted.

The weight of these internalized ideas led me to a dark moment when I felt completely trapped by the circumstances I had unknowingly built around myself. It was then that I had a life-changing realization: the way I had been living wasn’t just harming me—it was setting an example for my children. I asked myself, “What am I teaching them about self-worth if I continue this way?” That question ignited a spark of change.

Photography by Lindsay Hite

Re-becoming Through Journaling

One of the most transformative tools I turned to on my journey was journaling. I began putting my thoughts on paper, creating a safe space to hear my own voice amidst the chaos.

In the beginning, I struggled to identify my thoughts outside of my everyday responsibilities. Writing helped me break through the mental fog and recognize patterns in my feelings and beliefs.

By allowing myself to write stream-of-consciousness, without judgment, I could confront my emotions and better understand myself. Looking back on those pages now, I find glimmers of hope—seeds of solutions I hadn’t noticed while living in survival mode. Over time, I began rewriting my own story.

This process allowed me to question my negative thoughts and beliefs, replacing them with kinder, more empowering perspectives. I stopped the cycle of self-abuse by shifting my narrative toward self-acceptance and growth.

Reclaiming Music and A Facet of My Identity

Journaling led me back to a part of myself I had long abandoned: music. I had always been a musician, a piano teacher, but I had started calling myself a “former” musician to cope with the fact that life had pushed my passion to the sidelines. But during moments when the house was empty, I found myself sitting at the piano, playing melancholy tunes that brought deep emotional release.

As the world shut down during the height of COVID-19, I decided to relaunch my love for teaching piano. With a simple Facebook post, I began offering remote piano lessons. At first, I doubted whether teaching music online could work, but it did. I’ve been doing it ever since. Through my remote piano studio, Blossom Piano Studio, I not only rediscovered my passion but also saw my joy come alive on camera.

Being able to see myself engaging with students gave me concrete proof of my unique gifts. It reminded me that I had always been a musician, despite having tried to silence that part of myself. Music had always been part of my identity, even when I couldn't actively pursue it.

Photography by Lindsay Hite

Rediscovering the Beauty of Everyday Joy

A profound part of my healing came from reconnecting with my senses and simple joys. Inspired by Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way, I explored questions like, “What’s my favorite color? What’s my favorite food?” These questions may sound trivial, but they were eye-opening for me, as I had lost touch with my preferences and desires.

Through small steps like savoring a warm cup of peppermint tea, I experienced what it meant to truly live in the moment. These exercises helped me reconnect not just with my creative self but with the essence of who I am.

Discovering New Gifts

Journaling also led me to see my passion for writing. Not just writing for myself, but sharing my writing with others so they will feel inspired and less alone in their journeys of re-becoming.

Responding to journaling prompts, I found my words flowing out in poetry and a desire to use my words for good. I enrolled in a writing circle and received encouragement from my writing coach. Over time, a pile of poems was collected in my journals. Not sure what to do with them, my writing coach encouraged me to put them in a single document to see what I had. To my shock, I had written a memoir of my re-becoming through poetry. Thus, Barely a Whisper: Poems from the Heart of a Woman Re-becoming came to life. My words resonated with my readers and encouraged me to continue sharing my story. Now, I post new essays and poems every Sunday on Substack.

Healing Starts With You

I’ve learned that self-abuse isn’t always an external force—it often starts from within. We may unknowingly betray ourselves, believing we’re “less than” or that our dreams no longer matter. But healing begins the moment we recognize those patterns and decide to change.

By journaling, reconnecting with passions, embracing everyday joys, and discovering new gifts, I reclaimed my identity, transforming pain into purpose. My journey of re-becoming isn’t just about overcoming challenges—it’s about rediscovering the strength, joy, and creativity that were always there.

Journaling Can Be For You As Well

Now, I'm committed to creating safe spaces for others to rediscover their inner voice, agency, and clarity through journaling. I write journaling guides and host journaling circles and workshops designed to support others in their journaling practices.

Whether it’s through writing, music, or another creative outlet, you, too, can begin your own journey back to yourself. Remember: the first step toward healing starts with listening to your voice, however quiet it may seem.

Ready to start your healing journey? Consider journaling, exploring forgotten passions, or simply reconnecting with yourself. It’s never too late to grow into who you were meant to be. Not sure where to start with your journaling? Download this free Journaling 101 Guide for ideas. Ready to unlock the whispers of your heart? Download this free 7-Day Journaling Guide to help you listen tot he whispers of your heart.